SO i accidentally hosted my friends traditional nigerian ceremony

Have you ever showed up to an event as a guest and an hour later became the host? 

Buckle in…

It’s 7PM and my cousin and I arrive at the Radisson. I’m excited because my friend of nearly 20 years is getting married to his beautiful bride in a TRADITIONAL NIGERIAN CEREMONY. All guests were required to wear African clothes accessorized with a negative COVID test. I don’t care how relaxed the mask mandate gets, we’re STILL in a pandemic people.

Other than some white folks in black face everyone looked incredible. The men had the option of having either red or gold hats, and there were African stylists wrapping all the woman’s head scarves. From the onset I knew this was an experience I wouldn’t forget. 

Within the first hour of me being the social butterfly that I am, I meet the day of planner. For those of you unfamiliar, the day-of-planner is someone hired to manage your event…the day of. Makes sense. After hosting for 2 decades I can figure out who is who by 2 things: how they’re dressed and how they walk. Carla Friday was comfortably dressed in high waisted pants and she had a stressful walk - 100% day of planner. 

“You look like someone I should know” I say extending my hand out to her. I’m a sucker for high waisted pants. She laughs, shakes my hand and introduces herself. I forget her name immediately and then continue to mingle. The Prince and I went to college together so we share a lot of mutual friends. Within the next 20 minutes my cousin and I were looking for a nice wall to take pictures by when Carla comes out of high waisted thin air and grabs my hand. “I need you” she says with a smile. “You should be in this meeting.” 

I give my cousin a “what the f” look and Carla says “don’t worry, it will be quick.” Without saying another word she leads me into an all white room with the entire bridal party. They’re in a semi circle around my friend the groom [clears throat] I mean Prince. But the focal point of the room is an African woman with a stentorian voice running through the timeline. Completely confused I get led straight to her.

Now everyones staring at me as I stand next to Mrs. Olabisi, the officiant for the traditional ceremony. When pieced together I’d say the entire ceremony was 3-hours, so she had the heavy lifting. There are tons of layers to a Nigerian Traditional Ceremony, so everyone looked hyper focused because it was GAME TIME. Everyone except for me. I looked as distraught as a man on the receiving end of “you are the father.” I was wondering why I was the only guest listening to the behind-the-scenes information. I felt like a fly on the wall, except that this fly wore a cream blazer, gold aso oke, and was the center of attention. 

The aso oke is the fancy hat on my head. Married men point their hats to the right, bachelors for life like myself point it to the left. 

After 30-seconds of awkwardly standing next to Mrs. Olabisi I still hadn’t figured out the riddle of the day - what the HELL am I doing here? Have you ever contributed so little to a group presentation that you stand quietly as your group mates kill it? Issa vibe. 

“So during the ceremony remember that the men don’t have their hats on when they first walk in. That is a no, no” said Mrs. Olabisi in a THICK African accent [although her business card says she’s from Staten Island 😔]. She turns to me and says “After YOU introduce the brides family we will proceed with the proposal letter.” 

After I do what now? I say to myself. 

I stand quietly as my anxiety gears up for war 💆🏾‍♂️ The adrenaline kicks in and my mind sharpens up. Without missing a beat I pull up the notes app on my cell phone alongside the newlyweds website and start typing in the bridal parties names. I had never in my life stepped into an event as a guest and become the host. On occasion I’ve picked up the mic and said a couple of things, sure 🤷🏾‍♂️ but still…hosting a Nigerian Traditional Wedding isn’t something you do on the fly, but I’m friends with the Royal family 😎

5-hours later is when the Prince and others began saying “I didn’t know Kev was gna host.” Then a few more details surfaced to the top. Remember Carla, the day of planner? Immediately after I met her and flirtatiously said “you look like someone I should know” she went into the main room as the entertainment team was doing soundcheck. “Perfect! You’re my MC” Carla says to Ian aka Matrix who was testing the mic. Matrix looks at her and says “nah, Kev is hosting.” “Oh the guy in the white jacket?” Carla asks. 

I believe it’s called kismet; destiny, fate. The rest is Nigerian history. 

Happy Wedding Day to you Ezekiel! My mentor, my friend, my brother. It was an honor accidentally hosting your traditional Nigerian Wedding. You and your Princess looked IMMACULATE! After meeting Tiffany’s Mom I know exactly where she gets her directness from. What a woman. Tell your Mom, The Queen [who might have to change her Facebook name - Princess] THANKS for all the food she packed for me. My son & I will feast like African Kings for the next 3-days. 

See you in Guatemala for part II! 

…which I will attend as a guest 😅 [I’ll come with notes] 

#Akinyemi2022 🇬🇹